Inevitable

I have given up bracing myself for the blow...shits going to hurt anyway.

Why do I keep opening up myself to people?

Cause I am bat-shit crazy.

It's written in the stars

Daily bullshit

I could be sleeping or I could be in the middle of a conversation and it can happen.

Usually starts as my heart just decides its time to start pounding and fluttering for no reason and then my hands start to shake and I sit there and wonder why I am feeling so upset and the more I try to Imagine why I cannot put a finger on it.

I'm still calm at this point and I work on my logical reasoning, anything going on that can make me feel the way I feel right now?

Well yes, I remember lots of things that have caused me stress and anxiety but those are constant, not anything out of the norm…so back to the begging…

When wracking my brain frantic wondering why I feel that way I gradually just feel worse and worse to the point where I cannot breathe evenly, I feel dizzy, I'm angry at myself for feeling weak and then my anger turns into complete disgust at myself for not being able to know what's wrong with me.

Then I just feel alone and completely like a flimsy existence that is here and gone with a blink of an eye.

If I cant even stop myself from reeling into such a deep panic for no reason at all…then what can I do to help myself further other than just accepting I will always feel this way some way or another…

This happens every day some way or another.

Just recently I wake up in the middle of an anxiety attack and feel like my chest is about to explode from the heaviness of my own fucked up head.